one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize