I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Be still, my beating vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
