I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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