We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
