Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am puke
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
