I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
