the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
