If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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