Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
be right there i have to get my cape
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
try to milk me bitch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
