i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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