he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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