i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
