If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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