ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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