There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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