Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
