How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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