i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
