Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize