i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
