idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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