they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
