Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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