38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
