I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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