Having a random hookup so left but love u
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
