I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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