Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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