sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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