a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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