I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When did angry sex become our thing?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
