Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
