I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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