When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
God gave him joint rollers for hands
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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