if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
