Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
