When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
