my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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