ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
