well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
