I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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