life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This is the high leading the old right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize