guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
