i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Couch. On fire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
