Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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