Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
