First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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