My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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