Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
