3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
