You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize