haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
