Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
