I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think i peed on brittanys purse
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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