I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
