well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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