You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
