I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
