I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
