I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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