He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
