I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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