why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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