How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
