remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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