She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize