Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
