never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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