I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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