So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
