Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
