I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
