tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
