Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
