Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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