Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
