she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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