another moral hangover. fuck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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