dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
