Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
